A comprehensive masterclass in making hackers’ jobs easier — followed by a few tips to ruin their fun.
So you think online security is complicated? Relax. With just a few simple (and terrible) habits, you can hand over your personal data faster than you can say “identity theft.” In fact, you might already be halfway there without even knowing it.
Let’s break down the art of digital self-sabotage — and, just to spoil the hackers’ party, how to avoid it.
1. Use “password” as your password.
Better yet, add “123” for that extra sprinkle of originality. Why spend brainpower creating something unique when you can rely on the same word millions of others already use? Hackers have dictionary lists for a reason.
What Not to Not Do: Use a unique password for every site — ideally a mix of uppercase, lowercase, numbers, and symbols. Password managers exist for a reason (and they don’t need sticky notes on your monitor).
2. Reuse the same password everywhere.
Convenience is king! If one account gets hacked, you can enjoy the thrill of all your other accounts going down like dominoes. Who doesn’t love a coordinated digital collapse?
What Not to Not Do: Make sure no two accounts share the same password. If a single site is breached, the damage is contained. Better yet, use a password manager like Bitwarden.
3. Click on every suspicious link.
Email from “Micros0ft” saying your account will be deleted? Better click that link immediately. Bonus points if you type in your credentials on the fake page without checking the URL.
What Not to Not Do: Hover over links to see where they actually go. If in doubt, type the website address manually or use bookmarks. And yes, legitimate companies rarely threaten to “close your account in 24 hours.”
4. Ignore Two-Factor Authentication.
Sure, 2FA is annoying. Who wants the extra step of entering a code sent to your phone? Skip it, and enjoy the streamlined convenience of being hacked in half the time.
What Not to Not Do: Always enable two-factor authentication, especially for email, banking, and social media. Authenticator apps are even better than SMS for added security.
5. Share your password with your “trusted” friends.
What’s friendship without mutual account access? It’s not like they’ll ever break up with you, get mad, or lose their phone to a thief, right?
What Not to Not Do: Your password is like your toothbrush — never share it, and change it regularly.
6. Brag about your security questions.
If your mother’s maiden name or your first pet’s name is all over your Facebook posts, you’ve basically printed your bank PIN on a T-shirt.
What Not to Not Do: Use security question answers that are fictional or unrelated to your actual life. “What was your first car?” could be answered with “Pineapple Sandwich” — and only you would know why.
Final Word: Stop Being a Hacker’s Favorite Customer
Online security isn’t about paranoia — it’s about making yourself a difficult target. Hackers go for low-hanging fruit. The more layers of protection you use, the less appealing you are.
So yes, this was your Unofficial Guide to Getting Your Passwords Stolen — but if you’d rather keep your money, identity, and dignity intact, do the opposite of everything above. Because in the end, good security isn’t about what you know; it’s about what you refuse to ignore.
Remember — if your password is “123456”, the only thing you’re securing is your place on a hacker’s leaderboard.
Found this guide entertaining and useful? Share it before your careless cousin clicks another phishing link.
